Blogs of Olde

I made this blog yesterday not realizing I had made one on this same website two years ago. I only kept up with it for a few months, and didn’t pay for it (thankfully). Then I apparently 100% forgot it ever existed. I’ve exported the content and deleted the blog.

That blog was created in the beginning of 2016. I was still a year and a half away from graduating, and a few months away from my breast reduction. A few of the posts were about how I felt about my boobs. It reminded me of how much of a freak I felt like. My boobs were the first thing people would notice about me. They earned me a few nicknames in high school. The dysphoria was REAL. I hated going anywhere. I hated wearing bras and I hated how my clothes fit. Seriously, I was a freak of nature.

All those insecurities melted away when I was taken down to a C cup. Bra shopping is cheap. I walk through the world feeling… normal. There are still some aspects about my appearance I’m nit-picky about, but they’re not a huge concern. I’ve gained a bit of weight and am worried they’ll blow up again, but they’re still a comfortable size and look fine when I’m wearing a bra. I’ve met a lot of people since then, people who have never known me as Big Tits. I have some average ass tits, and I’m loving it. Of course, no tits would also be pretty cool, but honestly, I’m fine now.

Another component of my old blog was reflecting on how what I know about human psychology ties into an anarchist vision. These are ideas that I still haven’t really pinned down entirely, but when I do, I hope to turn them into a book one day. And, of course, a social reality. The problem was that I created the blog to center around these ideas, which is probably why I eventually abandoned it. Just too much on my plate. That’s why this new blog doesn’t really have much of a central theme other than “thoughts about stuff.” I have a lot of thoughts about a lot of stuff which I can easily express without having to spend too much time, if any, on research and planning. Low-spoon blogging is what I’m here for.

So here’s to hoping this blog lasts.

Writing Louder

It’s been a while since I’ve kept up with a blog. Tumblr doesn’t count – it’s just for reblogging cool pictures. I have to confess that I’m paying to use this platform, which I’ve never done before. But I figured knowing I’m paying for it will keep me accountable to it. So for $4 a month, I am sharing whatever asinine idea pops into my brain that I decide merits public attention. Most of it will be utterly and delightfully meaningless, I hope. Just me blubbering over all the neat cross-stitch patterns I want to work on or lists about whatever. But I suppose sometimes, I’ll conjure up the spoons to write something thoughtful.

Much of the thoughtful stuff will probably focus on autistic self-advocacy, mental health, anarchism, cats, and the general musings of a social justice mage.

I came up with the name “Writing Louder” after a five-minute ponder. It represents the fact that I generally have a soft and quiet voice and people are always asking me to speak up, and my fiery writing could surprise some people. I write much louder than I speak. When I speak, I prefer keeping things basic and to the point, so I’m much less likely to express all the thoughts and ideas floating around my branium than when I write/type it out. Lately, I don’t really bother speaking out loud the “important” stuff. I don’t want my thoughts to be interrupted by frustration when whoever I’m talking to can’t follow my mumbling and asks me to repeat myself.

A little background information for those who don’t know me very well, though I don’t really have any intention of going viral. I am Katie, a 25-year-old autistic person. They/them best suits me, being agender, but I really couldn’t care less. I have a B.A. in Psychology, and I do data entry stuff for an agency that supports survivors of sexual assault. Additionally, I’m bipolar, have panic attacks (usually caused by catastrophizing normal bodily functions, relating to a bit of underlying existential terror) and social anxiety.

I like things being quiet and perhaps a bit boring. Boring is comfortable. But sometimes it’s worth it to step past the agoraphobia and subject myself to horrifyingly wonderful experiences that make me feel a little disembodied but in a refreshing way. For instance, I hope to pursue my post-grad studies in Mexico. Perhaps it’s unlikely, but whatever – I’m gonna go through the motions of getting myself there. Including finally becoming fluent in Spanish. #goals

Most importantly, I have three kitties and I am Truly the owner the the World’s Most Beautiful Cats. But of course, #ACAB. I met Stormy first, and then she adopted herself into my apartment and had some kittens in my closet that night. Two of those I kept, and they are Midnite and Pikachu. They had one other litter mate who I named Spice, but I adopted her out before realizing I wanted to keep the family together. But hopefully she has a good new home with a good new name. I have no idea how old Stormy is, but the kitties are about five and a half years old. Still kitties, always will be kitties. I’d post pics, but those will inevitably come in the future.

Last thing to perhaps mention: I’m an anarchist. I believe in liberation of all from capitalist and state tyranny, white supremacist patriarchy, and domination of all forms in all our relationships. Also, #ACAB. Again, this will probably come up later.

I look forward to the info-dumping I will now subject you to.